A friend just shared a NY Times article about the people who lose weight on the television show “The Biggest Loser.” Turns out their bodies fight like the dickens to get back to–or even above–their original weight.
Well color me shocked.
I am obese.
I was an unusually skinny child, a constant source of anxiety to my parents, who survived World War II in Europe. My pediatrician tried to explain to my worried mother that I didn’t need to eat quite as much as she did, and she tried, but often failed, to serve me child-sized portions. I remained thin, despite a steady diet of fried chicken and pork chops, potatoes mashed with whole milk and real butter, regular desserts, and gobs of sugar on my cereal.
In my late teens and early twenties, I began dieting because I was sure my hips and thighs were enormous. From age twenty to age thirty, I gained 75 pounds. I had two babies, and never lost any of the baby weight from either one. This despite walking so much that I shredded my Achilles tendons.
You read that right. On fried eggs and bacon I was ridiculously skinny. On Diet Coke and skim milk and high fiber, I got fat.
In my thirties, I read a weight loss article about some women who had lost weight by practicing prayer. One woman profiled in the article said that prayer helped her give up her usual breakfast of six eggs, half a pound of bacon, and six slices of toast and allowed her to lose weight. Would prayer, I wondered, help me give up my bowl of Cheerios with skim milk and banana? So I could eat what instead, exactly?
Today, my doctors think I make excuses. When I describe my daily intake, they don’t believe me. In the past ten years, I’ve given up sugar, sweetener, carbonated beverages, the whole concept of ‘dessert,’ bread, rice, pasta, and potatoes. I eat grilled meat and lots of fresh vegetables and fruit. I remain fat.
Right now, I’m hopeful that my new mouth guard, intended to address my sleep apnea, will offer my metabolism a boost. I’ll believe it when I see it.
The other culprit: I took lots of antibiotics in my early twenties. I suspect that I killed off too many of the good bacteria. I’ve been taking probiotics for ages, hoping to improve my balance of gut flora.
Neither remedy is likely to get me back into my 32W 32L Levis. But it would be nice to be able to burn off the extravagant apple I eat each day for lunch.
Dave and I spent the day selling the car.
If you live nearby, you know the one I mean. The 2000 A6, in the color the salesman at Barrier Audi called “comearrestmered.” The one we bought new (!) and ordered especially for us: manual 6-speed transmission, ski door from the trunk to the back seat, heated seats, sunroof. The one we bought with the stock options granted in my first career, which I spent at Microsoft.
The one that I could drive up and down any hill in the snow, as long as I kept my speed under 15 mph.
The one that took all the seventh grade girls home from Newcastle Beach Park because there weren’t any other adults there.
The one that wore grooves into the pavement between home and Tyee Middle School, as I raced (the kids would say “crawled”) to get the kids there on late mornings, attended and presided over PTSA meetings, transformed the Commons into a sparking skyline one June evening and an island paradise four years later.
The one that went to hundreds of Little League and Mudville games. Hundreds of girls’ basketball games, boys’ basketball games, football games, sports banquets, playoff games. The one that sprinted from the Little League State Tournament in Auburn to home and back again because someone forgot his cleats.
The one in which one child sat and cried before attending the first practice freshman year at Newport.
The one I waited in day after day during Tutorial, waiting for another child to finish up in Honors Freshman English, trying to get from 62% to 80%.
The one we were in after a terrible Apple Cup loss. The cops who pulled us over (that color…) blinked at the youngsters asleep in the back, the obviously sober parents in the front, and said, “You’re probably not in the mood for a ticket, are you?”
The one that parked outside while I shopped at Bellevue Square and worked out at The Bellevue Club, two other indulgences we had to give up.
The one we drove when my friend from ninth grade visited with her husband, and we took them everywhere you take visitors except to our house, which had descending into utter chaos after our abrupt return to work.
The one I was in when I saw the prongs of my engagement ring, vacant, and realized I must have lost the diamond in the pool at the Y. The one parked in the garage when Dave said, “I still have what I most want from the wedding.”
The one that carried me to the hundreds and hundreds of hours of volunteer work I did for the kids’ schools, Bellevue PTSA Council meetings, WSPTA Board Meetings and which later delivered me to my second career, this time in teaching, which hasn’t taken off the way I’d hoped. Yet.
The one I was in when the mileage hit 100,000. It’s not nearly as fun to watch on an electronic odometer as it was on the old mechanical ones, where you saw all 5 nines roll back while a a 1 followed by five zeroes rolled up. Or, as was the case with my parents’ 1962 Fairlane, just the five zeroes.
The one that lost its clutch on my birthday, burning out as the valet parked it. Mercifully, the restaurant paid half of the bill. We could have never afforded it.
The one Kirsten and I drove downtown after Christmas 2014 to watch “The Book Thief.” Ever mindful of costs, Kirsten guided me to a meter cheaper than those inside the downtown core. And a block away from a strip club. When we returned from the movie, my back window was broken, there was a rock on the seat, and my Timbuktu bag was gone, and with it, my carefully curated collection of substitute teacher supplies. Thought you were getting a laptop, didn’t you?
The replacement is a Volkswagen CC, a sleek silver model with just 20,000 miles on it. It will not need expensive maintenance. It will park at whatever school I’m assigned to (still subbing…), and will carry groceries and school supplies. It will visit Pullman for games, Spokane to see my mom, and perhaps Vancouver for a little R&R. It will get me where I need to go. It will never take me where the Audi took me.
Since losing our money, I’ve become an avid eBay shopper.
And it’s amazing what I’ve found there.
My favorite cologne had been reformulated and didn’t smell right to me, so I visited eBay and found other people’s old bottles for rock-bottom prices. (I also learned that the ingredient I missed was oak moss, forbidden because it’s toxic. In very high doses. Don’t think a spritz of cologne on my belly and wrist will hurt me much.)
I was unhappy with the handbags in the stores–not that I could afford them–and wished I could still get a heavy, vintage leather Coach bag. Scored several on eBay and now I have a small collection of refurbished bags that look better than new. All for a price lower than the price of a new handbag on sale at Nordstrom. Continue Reading »
He was big around the middle, wore a barber-shop haircut straight from the Fifties, and had terrible pimples. His shirt tail regularly found its way out of the waistband of his pants. He tended to spit when he talked, often because he was arguing with you about something terribly important to him but totally off your radar. He was the guy you didn’t want to be stuck next to in class.
He worked the fountain while you waited tables. On the surface, you had little in common. You were cute and skinny and raked in tips because you smiled a lot. You dated, badly, because dating meant you were like all the other kids and if there’s anything you wanted to be, it was ‘like the other kids.’ He wasn’t like the other kids. When he first lived in the dorms, his floormates caused him endless amounts of grief. They got mad because his alarm went off when he wasn’t there. They made fun of his interests in law enforcement and fire fighting. They didn’t much want to argue about music or politics or the right way to treat people in a civil society. They bullied him and mocked his ideas and disparaged his clothes. Continue Reading »
I didn’t really get it until a few years ago, when I learned that the population of Washington had risen above six million. And then it washed over me like a wave of nausea.
No more Microsoft. PC owners everywhere would have to go elsewhere for their operating systems.
No more Boeing. The other plane manufacturers would have to fill the void. Continue Reading »
Today’s WordPress Challenge:
Daily Prompt: But No Cigar
Tell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?
I’m guessing no one at WordPress knows I’m a Cougar fan.